Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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