Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm gonna fight the coyote
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
