You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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