seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
