She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
