we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
