yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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