wanna go halves on a baby?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
