If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
