roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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