I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
