If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
