Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
