Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
