I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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