I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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