his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
