chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
