you inspire me to be a worse person
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need a beard to bite.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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