so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
