I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
