just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
