I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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