If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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