We're like a lot better than the average bears
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
