I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
