i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
