Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
