if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
