There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
