i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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