Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
