dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
