Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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