Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
