I'm so fucking centered right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
