He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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