My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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