We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
