Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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