And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i think my cat just said my name.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
