i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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