I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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