Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
