Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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