I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
