i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
