And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
