So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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