That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Everything about him screamed your future.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
