OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
