Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
