Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this just has baby written all over it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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