So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
