do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
