Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
