You just made me feel so damn special
The maid of honor just puked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
