i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
