i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My life is pants optional.
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