His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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