i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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