so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
