I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
