He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
