Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
