It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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