I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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