someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
