didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
