I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
