i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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